Do you ever get the feeling that you are not quite sure where you belong in life?

I've been thinking about it a lot over the past little while and find that quite often, I get the feeling that I am not really sure where I belong, or who I belong with. When I was younger, I didn't fit into any of the social groups. I was gawky and shy and lacked the confidence to fit in.

When I got older, I tended to fit in more with those groups on the fringe. One of those subcultures was the Goth crowd and to this day, I still feel a part of them. I am not sure whether it's because I am attracted to the whole being of the group or because it just felt more comfortable to not be accepted by the mainstream. I wasn't really sure how to fit into the conventional groups and still have little patience for the norm. It also made being creative a whole lot easier.

For a long time, I've been trying to fit into this conventional model because of my job, my age and the people that I work with, yet I still feel like an outsider. I work with people from different countries and tend to surround myself with them so that I don't have to be so conventional on my own time. Having spent some time living in other countries, I felt that I could understand what they were going through and identify with their cultures. Over the weekend, however, I began to think about how I really didn't fit in there either.

Oh sure, I can identify with the feelings of alienation and the difficulties of learning to equalize between two cultures but can I truly have anything in common with them? Does sitting around moaning about the things that are wrong in that culture or the world for that matter really help? And, after spending time running away from convention or that with which we are familiar make good fodder for friendships? I am really beginning to question that lately.

Could it just be the difference in age between me and many of those that I spend time with outside of work? I find that young people are a constant source of energy and in some cases inspiration yet I also find that energy can be quite tiring. It's not that I can't keep up, oh no, but it's just that the uncertainty in their lives can be quite tiring. It's a very formative time for them as far as relationships are concerned and it's a fact of life that one's 20s are a time of self-absorbedness. There's really nothing wrong with that providing a person is at that age. However, once past that, it all seems like a waste of energy for the older individual and that type of activity is best to be without.

All of this has me questioning what I actually have in common with these younger people. Is there anything? Do we actually even know each other? And why is that?

I suppose it all comes around to my thoughts on fitting in. I have once again surrounded myself with those who are trying to fit into a way of life. I used to be much more daring and twisted and now that I'm veering away from that, I feel lost. I thought I had found it again but it's really just because I am part of a subculture.

It's really difficult to fit into a new culture. In fact, I think that, no matter how long we try to, there will always be something that holds us back from being totally accepted and accepting of that culture. If we weren't brought up in it, then you have to start afresh if you truly want to belong to it. And let's face it, it's really difficult to give up all of the conditioning that you have been through up until now.

I have begun to notice that many of the relationships that I have embarked on are based more on a sense of lack of belonging and not because there is anything in common. It's quite a common way to forge that sense of belonging by sitting around and complaining about things. However, it also creates a very negative sense of being. And I suppose that therein, is where the problem is. Negativity and sense of belongingness are so tightly tied in, that it begins to feel like a real friendship. And that's just plain bad.

So, is there a point to this post? I suppose there is. It's alright to be part of a subculture or the mainstream as long as it's done because you have something in common with people. Life shouldn't be a big "Bitchfest" about who and what one doesn't like. It should be about commonality and a true sense of belongingness.

And that is what I've concluded that I should be striving for!

In case you're interested, yes, I am still here...

I can't really say why I haven't posted much lately. At first, I thought it was because I was busy. Then, I felt it was due to the heat. Now, I am feeling a little less optimistic about things and feel a bit overwhelmed by the world.

Many of you know that I try to avoid the news because of it's negative viewpoint. I have seen a few stories lately and quickly turn it off. I have my own perspectives on things that I'd like to share a bit on.

First, elected governments are a farce. They tell people that they are going to work for positive change and once elected, turn things around by trying to convince people that their promises just weren't that realistic. The funny thing is that I never ever believe the promises these politicians make yet there are many out there who get angry about when politicians go back on their word. Now, I thought that I was naive but these people just don't get it.

Secondly, it's all about money. Forget foresight in urban planning and responsible environmental choices. These governments and big companies don't give a rat's ass about that stuff. They just care about how much money is going to line their pockets. (I'm sorry Mr. Harper but you do not speak for me on whether I can or cannot reach the levels of the Kyoto Accord. Canadians are fighters and they don't need to be told that they are just not up to snuff and cannot do it. That's bullshit!) I'm really tired of this and I know there are many others who are also tired. Anyone care to join in my fight against this?

Thirdly, I have a personal responsibility to leave this place that I live the same, if not better, than when I came here. I take that responsibility seriously and will continue doing that.

Okay. So I got that off of my chest.

Have a great weekend everyone. I'll be back next week!

I really have nothing against sunshine but this is getting truly ridiculous. I'm going to have to start sleeping in a tent on my deck so that I can at least get a rested sleep. It's seems about 10 degrees cooler outside than it is inside the house.

As many people know, I don't really like hot weather. I don't mind the sun as long as there is a breeze and as long as it doesn't heat my house up to sauna temperatures. I don't travel in the summer to hot places as I prefer to go on holiday when the weather is more bearable. We've never really had to worry about the hot weather much here on the west coast because we are right on the ocean and there is usually some sort of breeze to even temperatures out.

This past week (and actually the weekend was the worst) the temperatures have been incredibly high, even for those who enjoy the heat. And, I'm not really liking it...

I remember the summer that I spent in Japan and I swear it almost killed me. The temperatures were high and the humidity was 100%. It may be kind of difficult but imagine the amount of moisture in the air in which it should be raining but it's not. The water just sticks in the air and sticks to everyone else. The worst part is that there is no relief at nighttime like we have here. The temperature falls to 32 degrees Celcius at night and then rises throughout the day.

I can't help thinking that it's started here now (except that it still cools down at night).

I arrived at the office this morning to find that the heat is on in the building. It's already freaking hot outside and it's even hotter inside. So hot that even the water cooler (the cool tap) contents are more than lukewarm.

I am not a fan of air conditioning for two reasons. One is because I don't think it's good for the body to go from hot to cool to hot so quickly when you are going into or leaving buildings and the second is because it is just contributing to the increase of greenhouse gases which makes it hotter outside anyway. I refuse to have it at my home and would really just prefer to have an office where the windows open. If it's too hot at home, I can always go into the basement.

I know that I can survive this heat but I can't help wonder whether it's just going to get worse because of global warming.

Anyway, I'd better go. I'm working up a sweat just typing...

It's so freaking hot here today that I am sure that I'm gonna melt...

Have you heard of the 100 Mile Diet?

This site explains all about and encourages people to embark on a way of eating that is more gentle on the environment and is apparently much more healthy. I first learned about it on one of my environmental hero's web newsletter and had intended to post it earlier but just didn't have the time.

It looks quite difficult to do however, I suppose it's like anything. Once you get into it, it should be fine. What do you think?

Another environmentally sound link that I would like to point out can be found here on Yummy Wakame. Thanks to Nathan for posting it.

Well, that's it for my environmental messages for today. I hope that everyone is having a great week so far.

(Hey! Mako-chan. Good luck with your presentation this week. And hello to Yoko, too. It was awesome talking with you both over the weekend!)

I'm back from the big city. And, to tell the truth, I'm not entirely sure that I want to be.

It was great to get away and not be constricted by work, family and those crazy situations that have been driving me up the wall lately. It's also wonderful to be somewhere that nobody knows me and that my every move is not documented in some way. My town is a small one and I cannot move three feet without running into someone who knows me or what I am doing.

Big cities are very good in that way.

They also have some interesting things happening in them. Like Peaches is coming to that large city across the water next month. There's not a chance of that happening here, for sure!

I'll do my best to survive it here after my short break. I have a whole bunch of visitors over the next two weeks. That'll surely keep life interesting!

This past couple of weeks has renewed my faith in horoscopes.

The latest one told me that I would be reconnecting with people and partners from the past. And, strangely enough, it was absolutely on the money.

I have been contacted by a friend from the past that I had been wondering about for some time now, then a dear friend's (who I haven't met due to conflicting schedule for quite some time now) car breaks down while turning a corner only to find that I am just feet from where his car finally rested, an international student that contacted me to say that he was moving somewhere else in the US, a couple of other acquaintances, and tonight, while shopping on Robson Street in Vancouver I ran into a girl that I graduated from high school with 25 years ago this year. It was the strangest thing, really, because I'm not even in my own city.

Go figure.

I'm just hoping that I won't run into any old boyfriends. That'd just suck...

Okay, now I know it's true.

Tom and Katie's baby is really an alien. If it isn't the spawn of Katie and an alien (remember this film? is this possibly TC?), then why hasn't anybody seen the chlid?.

After all, Scientology was created by a writer of Science Fiction, right? Maybe it the case of a this "religion's" version of the whole Rosemary's Baby thing...

Sorry. I don't usually care about this kind of thing, especially when Tom Cruise is involved. However, I just couldn't resist.

I won't be posting for a few days. I'll be heading to the big city across the Strait of Georgia. I'll be back next week...

I've come to a conclusions about an issue set into motion by recent events here. It's all about understanding and how men and women just don't seem to have a clue to understanding the other's psyche. I think I've finally figured it out from a woman's perspective.

It's no surprise that men and women think quite differently. In fact, it should be expected.

I was wondering about why men seem to have such difficulty knowing about the ways that women react and how they think. Some may say that it's because women deal with things on a wholly emotional and that men are more pragmatic. This may be true.

What about the role of hormones on both of these groups?

Women are often characterized as being at the mercy of their hormones and that could possibly be true. However, I think it is the differences in the balance of these hormones between men and women that create the inability to "see" things in the same way. Neither of these groups can truly understand each other entirely because we have different "concoctions" of hormones. This can undoubtedly lead to misunderstandings.

Do hormones contribute to women's intuition? I am betting they do. They also affect women in a very competitive way thus creating ways to beguile the opposite sex into the whole mating process. In a way, it's all about reproduction and the need to do that.

This is why men have trouble understanding the way that women think. And vice versa. Until we can "walk a mile in each other's shoes", we will not be able to understand the other. So, when the pragmatic men of the world are unable to see the manipulation by the female of the species, it should not be of surprise to the women that they would be unable to identify with our thought processes.

The same with the reverse situation. Women will not understand what they perceive as men who are "obsessed" with sex.

It's best just to agree to disagree and not spend our lives trying to decode the language and thought of the opposite sex. Then we will be able to focus on what is truly important.

Any thoughts on this? Don't be afraid. Leave a comment...

Cinderella's Story
(a romantic destiny or a master manipulation?)

I was talking with a friend who brought up an interesting point and thought I would share it with you. It's based on a fairy tale and perhaps unveils women's mastery at manipulating. I'd like to hear what you think.

Did Cinderella actually lose her shoe by accident or do you think it was a manipulative ploy on her point to get the guy with all of the money?

You'd think that if Cindy's fairy godmother had created a one-of-a-kind gown and shoes, that she would have allowed for shoes that were so obviously the wrong size? From what I remember, those shoes were glass pumps and, if they were made just for our heroine, would they have been created in the wrong size just for her to lose them? Surely the Fairy Godmother wouldn't have done that.

Any woman knows that shoes like that won't fall off if you need to run. You have to remove them and then run.

My friend thinks then that Cinderella left her shoe, knowing that she had made a romantic connection and that, as she already had him wrapped around her finger, she might as well leave a "calling card" with every intention of it being found. Besides, it appears that she already knew that she had a mighty small shoe size so she must have known that the guy would eventually find her. Talk about master manipulator.

This would give new meaning to the whole "Cinderella Story" idea that so many women have. Don't wait for destiny to throw a man your way, simply manipulate them into marrying you. (We all know how skillful females can be at this subtle manipulation.)

It all made sense when I thought about it. Here we are, left with a story that shows of an unattainable "love by destiny" which is basically a thinly veiled attempt to show young girls how to manipulate men into getting what they want - the ring, the wedding dress, the castle on the top of the hill.

I realize that I am sounding a wee bit jaded but isn't romantic love just a social construct? Doesn't that make this story a manipulation in itself?

What do you think?

I'd like to thank Izumi for presenting this idea. Despite English not being a first language, you certainly do have a command on the cultural concepts...

The Bigger Picture.
(or, adding things up)

I'd like to thank all of those people who were driving around with Italian flags hanging out of their car windows, honking their horns and screaming yesterday. Not only were you creating huge amounts of noise pollution but you provided us with another example of how people have no concept of our dependence on and wasting of fossil fuels and the creation of greenhouse gases.

When I mentioned this, people said, "well, it's only one time".

However, I disagree. This time it's the World Cup. What about the Stanley Cup? Or the Olympics? Or any other event like in which this kind of thing happens.

Also, I personally saw at least 20 different vehicles, many of them SUV's driving around in an unsafe fashion in my town. However, I am willing to bet that this wasn't the only city that this happened in. I wonder how many cars worldwide did the same thing.

Does that number seem so small now?

It doesn't to me.

When are people going to realize that this kind of behaviour has already started greenhouse gas emissions? That it has already started destruction of the environment and made people sick. What's it going to take to get us to stop our wasteful ways? What's it going to take to get everyone on board with this cause?

A friend of mine told me of a study that was going to happen in which they were going to determine what the levels of human tolerance to global climate change is and what the adaptability threshold for humankind will be. I was so excited to hear this because then there will be clear information on the subject and it will be a wakeup call to people about these wasteful ways. However, I still say that if people don't already know, will this study scare them into doing things more responsibly?

I was thinking as well, how Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper is hedging on the Kyoto Accord saying that it is not possible to us to reach the limits set for Canada in the time left. First, I was angered that he drew this conclusion and thus set into motion a whole list of other countries that were doing the same thing. Then, I got to thinking that this was Stephen Harper's way of saying that Canadians couldn't work together to reach this goal. Like we were totally incapable of doing it.

So, basically, Stephen Harper is saying that he has no faith in Canadians OR Canada.

What do you Canadians out there think? Are we up for the challenge? Are we able to work together to reduce emissions? Are we able to change our ways and pressure big business to follow suit?

What about others out there whose countries aren't going to honour Kyoto?

Now, before you say that it's a flawed agreement, I have one thing to say. We have to start somewhere. I say we honour it and go the step further. It can't hurt, can it?

PS I just wanted to add that I am not against people celebrating Italy's win in the World Cup. I just think that it should be more responsible. Like on the street or something...

"You're just wasting your time", he said.

I knew he was right. I suppose that I've known it for a while now. I just couldn't really put it to words.

And what he was talking about was offering guidance and advice to those who don't listen. They don't want to listen. They just want to hear themselves... kind of like admiring themselves in a mirror.

It's going to stop. Now.

Are any of you getting married? If so, you might want to check out the Frugal Bride website.

I especially like the do's & don'ts page.

A special thanks to Claire for forwarding it to me...

There was a very small earthquake here yesterday in the afternoon. Around 2:30 pm, I heard what sounded like someone running around on the floor above me at the office. I asked a coworker if she heard it and also wondered aloud if it could have been a tremor. We both concluded that it wasn't however, when I got home, I found out that there had been one.

It reminded me of what I said about what would happen if there was oil drilling off the coast...

It's been very hot around here lately and I find myself hoping for wind and a bit of coolness. As of yesterday, we HAVE had wind and it makes it very difficult to keep my hat on. I suspect it's time to get out the old parasol and just hope that it won't turn inside out in the wind.

On another note, do you ever have times where you enjoy your own company so much that you spend your free time doing things alone? This past weekend has made me think of how much I miss just puttering around doing things on my own time without having to think about conflicting schedules and keeping appointments. If I feel like it, I can meet friends however, I can also just hang out going to a film or have tea or whatever. It just feels great to clear my head and not worry about anything but myself.

This past weekend, I tried to clear my mind of negativity and fill it with positive things. Like how it feels on a sunny day when that cool breeze blows across your face or coming across the fragrance of wild primroses on a leisurely walk.

I heard from a friend - from what seems like a very long time ago - yesterday (I really should check my email more often) and felt once again inspired in life. With the extended long weekend and this new communication as well as the wonderful weather we are having, I feel alive. And unconstrained by the drama which is life.

Every year in Victoria, they have an event called Folkfest where there are many performers from all over the world. I don't usually go because of the crowds but this year, due to a strange turn of events, original plans fell through and I decided to go with friends. I am glad that I did.

On Friday night, I saw a group from LA called Niyaz. There is a huge Persian influence in the music and it has a very modern flair to it. The line-up of the band is quite amazing and they have worked with some very influential artists of our time. It's great when one can get this kind of exposure to music. It transcends borders and reminds us that people that are often labelled enemies are quite the opposite.

I hope that you enjoy it as much as I did!